CNN.com allpolitics.com allpolitics.com

     
 

MAIN PAGE
WORLD
U.S.
WEATHER
BUSINESS
SPORTS

POLITICS

LAW
SCI-TECH
SPACE
HEALTH
ENTERTAINMENT
TRAVEL
EDUCATION
CAREER
IN-DEPTH

QUICK NEWS
LOCAL
COMMUNITY
MULTIMEDIA
FREE E-MAIL
myCNN.COM
ABOUT US

 

Government in Disarray as Alien Craft Lands on Washington Mall

Congress


Emergency Congressional meetings echo the frenzied fears of citizens everywhere.


WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Bush called an emergency session of Congress as an alien landing throws the government into chaos Thursday.

The craft, approximately the size of a Boeing 747, still shows little sign of activity, officials said, as the city of Washington D. C. evacuates and the Army and Marine Corps enforce their positions around the Washington Mall.

"One of the things that all Americans must keep in mind at this time is to not panic. We are here to see that nothing adverse takes place on behalf of the creatures within the aliens ship", Bush said in a brief statement in an emergency broadcast Wednesday evening. "While the intentions of the aliens are still not known, our military is primed to protect the people of this great nation."

Orange Arrow

RESOURCES

Message Board: Religion today  

 

A divided Congress met last evening and came to no clear resolutions after seven straight hours of floor debate on issues such as citizen action plans for possible scenarios or whether efforts to contact the craft occupants or determine their condition should be made. One emergency bill passed the Democrat-controlled Senate, granting some Constitutional protections to the as of yet unseen aliens, which essentially grants rights of life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness to the creatures.

"It's a dark day," lamented the bill's primary opponent, Rep. J.C. Watts, R- Oklahoma. "A lot of convictions and a lot of hard fighting on both sides, but I still believe with every ounce of my being that we did not do the right thing today. It is premature to disallow our protective armed forces from killing aliens they may deem hostile without permission. We need to prepare for the worst and not hinder our front lines with civil rights legislation for space aliens."

Watts

Watts: "We need to prepare for the worst."

 

If it gets through the House, the bill would mark a strategic shift for the U.S. government, recognizing that non-human life forms, including everyday house pets and parasitic insects, may be entitled to Constitutional protections per the bill's current phrasing.

While a more formal and limited-scope bill is expected to supersede the Senate-backed bill passed to the House today once more is learned about occupants of the alien craft, the implications of the legislation are powerful and far-reaching. Already the Internal Naturalization Service (INS) has requested jurisdiction over the matter, citing that without being properly documented citizens, the visitors from space are illegal aliens and must be deported to their home world. President Bush has been quoted as stating that the issue is clearly under the jurisdiction of the Commander-in-Chief.

Wednesday's vote followed a two-hour delay after several protesting groups, including Amnesty International, Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA), and the Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) sieged Capitol Hill demanding equal right protections for the aliens. Many Republicans have sent clear messages to their respective districts that such measures are premature until the foreigners' intentions are learned.

Rep. Trent Lott, R-Kentucky, said that the priorities of liberal civil rights groups are misplaced, reminding Americans that, "we are still unclear about many things: whether anything in the craft is alive, or can be qualified as living, their weaponry capacity, and their intentions. Without trying to sound paranoid, I must emphasize that civil rights issues for aliens are not the most pressing topic in the current crisis. We need answers before we can act."

But many Democrats and some liberal Republicans say the legislation passed in the House last night are vital to establishing a positive relationship with the aliens.

"The bill passed last night is not a civil rights bill. It has the side effect of granting some civil rights to whatever creatures may be alive in the craft, but our intention was simply to keep anxious military commanders from prematurely launching an attack on the visitors", said Majority Leader Tom Daschle, D-South Dakota.

Daschle

Daschle says he can't imagine the aliens could have hostile intentions.

 

"If the House approves this legislation this afternoon, no aggressive or mortally defensive actions would be allowed against the creatures without prior Congressional approval. We depend on our armed forces for protection, yes; however, we don't want anyone getting an itchy trigger finger if and when the aliens come out to greet us. Everything at this point is speculation, but I can't imagine anything that has the technology to fly to different planets across the great expanses of space to our planet mean to harm us.

-- CNN Congressional Correspondent Sean McElroy contributed to this report.

     
 


RELATED STORIES:

RELATED SITES:

     

Back to the top

 

© 2001 Sean McElroy.
This is a parody of CNN.com; nothing in this "report" is factual. All Rights Reserved.