February 3, 2004: Too Bad, So Sad

Age 23

This was a very, very sad dream -- I woke up crying.

In this dream I was in LA and meeting up with someone (KQ) I dated very seriously in the past. I still have feelings for this person, strongly so. As they had mentioned, I could come over any time, so I headed over, parked my car, and realized they weren't home. Waiting by their garage, my friend and their roommate (Chris) came home in separate cars and parked in the garage. KQ looked at me in shock and surprise that I was there, almost as though really wishing I wasn't. I asked if anything was wrong, and KQ replied that they 'just didn't expect to see me around here anymore'. That hurt, and when Chris, walked by on in to their apartment, he looked confused and surprised too. I seem to remember both of them scrunching up their nose at me.

Once inside, I wanted to just see if KQ wanted to hang out, so we went to an old school, my alma mata: the old physical science's building on the second floor where I had a number of classes. It was reminiscent of piano competitions I had done in the past... doors were closed and people were sitting lined up along the wall, waiting for their next class. I peaked in and somehow I knew the ditsy girl teaching the class (our age) was KQ's new girlfriend. I was very upset and disappointed - the girl was completely inept, and fake.

Suddenly we were all back at KQ's apartment, and he and his girlfriend went into their room and shut the door. I could hear them talking and laughing: having a great time. I knocked and KQ came to the door but didn't want to let me in; "you understand how it is.." KQ said. Then the walls of KQ's bedroom, which was curiously in the middle of a small living room, became lower, like cubical walls one could peer over. Suddenly Teryn B was there and peeked over, noting, "Ooh, they're having a good time in there", as I heard more laughing.

I just started to cry in my dream (and I guess as I slept) as I sat on a mantle at the edge of KQ's living room, feeling a lot of hate for that girl and a lot of rejection. I just had to leave; angry, I went out of the apartment but then I was in a fancy executive hallway, encrusted with marble everywhere. I entered the office suite at the end, and it was a branch of a science museum at which I used to work. Everyone seemed foreign to me, and they were very snobbish. The one person I recognized (Mark de la Cruz) didn't say anything to me even though he recognized me. I bought a membership anyway, and walked out, but it felt they were all laughing at me as I left.

That's when I woke up.